Starting chemo is terrifying enough but the thought of losing your hair may be one of the most dreaded things that comes along with it. Losing your hair feels a little bit like losing part of who you are. When you look in the mirror you don't recognize the person staring back at you and that is shocking. I also felt that once my hair fell out I would be identified as a typical, bald cancer patient and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't want everyone looking at me with pity. As my hair started falling out, I felt as though I had control of nothing in my life. So, I made the decision to shave my hair and take control of the situation. The first step I took was getting my hair cut into a short pixie style so it would be a gradual adjustment. I had never considered a pixie cut for myself, but I didn't hate it. I got to keep the cut for about 2 weeks before my hair started falling out by the handful in the shower. I hated watching it fall out so I let my husband and three sons have some fun shaving it while we were on a FaceTime call with my daughter at college. In that moment I was able to embrace what was happening and just be thankful to be alive and to have a family that supported me. They made a not-so-great situation okay by making me laugh and offering support through it all.
What I didn't realize is that it wouldn't take long after shaving my head before all of the brown stubble would fall out leaving me completely bald. That was definitely the hardest transition to get used to. Also, my bald head had never seen the light of day and was quite white, so I did muster up the courage to take my daily walks without a headwrap on so I could tan my noggin.
My eyelashes didn't fall out with my hair which really surprised me. However, right when I thought they had survived the war, they gave up and fell out two weeks after I had completely finished chemo. I read in a few places that this is common.
What I learned through this part of my journey is that I am braver than I thought I was. My hair does not define who I am. My baldness was a sign of strength and perseverance. I was thankful for everyday that my bald head was blessed enough to wake up and stay in the fight. I also learned that headwraps are more comfortable than wigs and a good pair of hoop earrings is essential.
